Being a fairly active social networker exposes one to a range of, well, social pressures. The first of these is the repetitive demand for change of status, that is, (re)define your relationship agreement with your partner: from being 'single' to 'in a relationship' to 'it's complicated' to 'married', each appended with the name of the person in question. (A different kind of pressure might regale you if there's a different individual attached to each status.)
So, there we were, on the eve of our wedding, when I got a ping on FB: Mr Sinhal says he's engaged to you. Would you like to confirm? And there was a photo too, in case I had any doubts. I looked at the freshly glittering ring on my finger, and politely pressed the 'decline' option. A day later came another request - to accept that Mr Sinhal had married me. I politely declined again, thinking about the conventions my poor partner had succumbed to: A marriage does not attain validation until it is declared and ratified on FaceBook. The status of our marriage, it can suffice to say, is still pending.
The second kind of peer pressure is perhaps the most clinching: how will you be re-named. You're bombarded with questions like: 'Why don't you want to take on your husband's surname?' 'Don't you love him?' 'What will your in-laws think?' 'It is how it is.' 'Why be difficult on such an ordinary thing?' 'You can use both. Aren't you proud to belong to 2 families now?' There's only so much you can will yourself to not punch them. And then ask them calmly, Does he want to take on mine? Will he wear his pride in his name too?
Anyway, I've discovered that there are many ways of doing this on FB:
1. Change your surname instantly. This goes usually with those who also instantly change their relationship status. After all, this is what you're meant to do officially in a few days anyway. And if an old school or college mate needs to to find you/recognize your friend request they don't need your name; the collection of profile pics and selfies that you post everyday should suffice. Heck, you would change your first name if it came to that.
2. Keep the surname on FB, change it everywhere else. These are the chupa-rustams: you wouldn't know their changed status unless it was explicitly told to you. They keep their 'original' name for all social interactions otherwise they fear being lost to old school mates, cousins, emails, pics etc. They display pride for their 'original' identity but secretly harbour desires to be subsumed by the newness that they think awaits them with the altered surname. That's what their mothers and everybody else they know did and they see no harm in following it.
3. The double or hyphenated surname. This would seem like the easier, win-win option - keep your surname and add your husband's too. I've been told how it is a celebration of your new role/position in life, without sacrificing your 'first' identity. This option is the most commonly exercised, especially to make transition of official documents easier and it helps get bank accounts and loans faster. Some quirky ones use this for online benefits only - 'for fun' they say - and retain their original because they cannot bear the hassle of changing it everywhere officially. And it does make getting a new email simpler, without the need to add numbers and special characters.
However, the dangers that belie this suffixing activity can sometimes be a phonetician's nightmare. What if both surnames are not meant to co-exist, and ring absolutely out of sync? I tried mine out for good measure - Singh Sinhal, Singh-Sinhal, Singh-al - and gave up; the combinations were getting absurder. Besides, it's someone else's name then, not mine. And I'm already AS, becoming a complete ASS is not one of my ambitions.
So, there we were, on the eve of our wedding, when I got a ping on FB: Mr Sinhal says he's engaged to you. Would you like to confirm? And there was a photo too, in case I had any doubts. I looked at the freshly glittering ring on my finger, and politely pressed the 'decline' option. A day later came another request - to accept that Mr Sinhal had married me. I politely declined again, thinking about the conventions my poor partner had succumbed to: A marriage does not attain validation until it is declared and ratified on FaceBook. The status of our marriage, it can suffice to say, is still pending.The second kind of peer pressure is perhaps the most clinching: how will you be re-named. You're bombarded with questions like: 'Why don't you want to take on your husband's surname?' 'Don't you love him?' 'What will your in-laws think?' 'It is how it is.' 'Why be difficult on such an ordinary thing?' 'You can use both. Aren't you proud to belong to 2 families now?' There's only so much you can will yourself to not punch them. And then ask them calmly, Does he want to take on mine? Will he wear his pride in his name too?
Anyway, I've discovered that there are many ways of doing this on FB:
1. Change your surname instantly. This goes usually with those who also instantly change their relationship status. After all, this is what you're meant to do officially in a few days anyway. And if an old school or college mate needs to to find you/recognize your friend request they don't need your name; the collection of profile pics and selfies that you post everyday should suffice. Heck, you would change your first name if it came to that.
2. Keep the surname on FB, change it everywhere else. These are the chupa-rustams: you wouldn't know their changed status unless it was explicitly told to you. They keep their 'original' name for all social interactions otherwise they fear being lost to old school mates, cousins, emails, pics etc. They display pride for their 'original' identity but secretly harbour desires to be subsumed by the newness that they think awaits them with the altered surname. That's what their mothers and everybody else they know did and they see no harm in following it.
3. The double or hyphenated surname. This would seem like the easier, win-win option - keep your surname and add your husband's too. I've been told how it is a celebration of your new role/position in life, without sacrificing your 'first' identity. This option is the most commonly exercised, especially to make transition of official documents easier and it helps get bank accounts and loans faster. Some quirky ones use this for online benefits only - 'for fun' they say - and retain their original because they cannot bear the hassle of changing it everywhere officially. And it does make getting a new email simpler, without the need to add numbers and special characters.
However, the dangers that belie this suffixing activity can sometimes be a phonetician's nightmare. What if both surnames are not meant to co-exist, and ring absolutely out of sync? I tried mine out for good measure - Singh Sinhal, Singh-Sinhal, Singh-al - and gave up; the combinations were getting absurder. Besides, it's someone else's name then, not mine. And I'm already AS, becoming a complete ASS is not one of my ambitions.
Aw, you'd make such a wonderful ASS though! :D
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