It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a fortune, or just a regular-sized income, will not carry her wallet every time she steps out with the spouse. Her money is to be spent on her solo jaunts and may be put in to the service of an occasional date night or gift, whereas his money is their money. And quite fair too - after all, she's given up on her home, her bed, her books, her bathroom space and regular piece of mind to shack up with him, she can't be expected to shake off her material security as well. Right?
He believes it is his responsibility too, of course, budgeting everything in twos: 2 tickets to anywhere, 2 credit cards, 2 cars to maintain, 2 sets of parents, 2 new iPhones and so on. And he has to ensure some kind of buffer to buy that new PlayStation for himself, while she complains about the mounting expenses of her dental care. And he obviously cannot ask her for a loan to pay the overdue rent or utility bills or that ostentatious cup of coffee she absolutely has to have. He can only hope that she's saving up for rainy days, and the next vacation she wants them to take.
When they were dating she insisted on splitting everything from the hot chocolate fudge to the movie and dinner and even the new camera he wanted to buy. She had even drawn elaborate plans to open a joint account and pool finances every month to pay for all their expenses. She proselytised on equal share and equal rights between both consenting parties. She stuck her nose up at social conventions and would haughtily declare that they'd be different. That was then. Now, whether it's picking up the bar tab for her friends, treating her to a chocolate brownie, acquiring the hardback copy of her favourite book, getting her a haircut or buying her a new bike, it is his cost to bear.
Alas,
Some people,
no matter what you give them,
still want the moon.
The bread,
the salt,
white meat and dark,
still hungry.
The marriage bed
and the cradle,
still empty arms.
You give them land,
their own earth under their feet,
still they take to the roads
And water: dig them the deepest well,
still it’s not deep enough
to drink the moon from.
Adam's Complaint by Denise Levertov
He believes it is his responsibility too, of course, budgeting everything in twos: 2 tickets to anywhere, 2 credit cards, 2 cars to maintain, 2 sets of parents, 2 new iPhones and so on. And he has to ensure some kind of buffer to buy that new PlayStation for himself, while she complains about the mounting expenses of her dental care. And he obviously cannot ask her for a loan to pay the overdue rent or utility bills or that ostentatious cup of coffee she absolutely has to have. He can only hope that she's saving up for rainy days, and the next vacation she wants them to take.
When they were dating she insisted on splitting everything from the hot chocolate fudge to the movie and dinner and even the new camera he wanted to buy. She had even drawn elaborate plans to open a joint account and pool finances every month to pay for all their expenses. She proselytised on equal share and equal rights between both consenting parties. She stuck her nose up at social conventions and would haughtily declare that they'd be different. That was then. Now, whether it's picking up the bar tab for her friends, treating her to a chocolate brownie, acquiring the hardback copy of her favourite book, getting her a haircut or buying her a new bike, it is his cost to bear.
Alas,
Some people,
no matter what you give them,
still want the moon.
The bread,
the salt,
white meat and dark,
still hungry.
The marriage bed
and the cradle,
still empty arms.
You give them land,
their own earth under their feet,
still they take to the roads
And water: dig them the deepest well,
still it’s not deep enough
to drink the moon from.
Adam's Complaint by Denise Levertov
